Very Thin Thread
by love-burns-on
Summary: It's not just an eating disorder. It's your life hanging by a very thin thread. Mentions of Zammie


If you or a friend has an eating disorder, please, PLEASE get help or tell a trusted adult. I know from experience that sometimes we can't take care of all of our problems by ourselves.

I do not own Gallagher Girls or any of it's characters. All rights to Ally Carter.

_"Freedom from obsession is not about something you do; it's about knowing who you are."_

_~Geneen Roth_

* * *

**_Anorexia nervosa (n): an eating disorder primarily affecting adolescent girls and young women, characterized by pathological fear of becoming fat, distorted body image, excessive dieting, and emaciation._**

You don't know what's happening until you lose control.

It starts out as skipping breakfast everyday. Then, a few months later, you think, _Hmm. I'm not hungry, and it's not like I need the extra calories anyway._

So you skip lunch too.

Then comes the obsession with weight. I climbed onto that scale everyday, watching as the number slowly decreased into the danger zone.

A voice in the back of your mind begs you to stop what you're doing. But who cares? As long as you're losing inches, the pain in your stomach doesn't really matter anymore.

The euphoria from the rapid weight dropping is an illusion. That thing that disguises itself as confidence and happiness? It's really just the disorder taking over. It goes away quickly.

In reality, you're dancing around a black hole.

It doesn't really take much to be sucked in.

* * *

One thing about my little 'problem':

It was really hard to hide.

I'm used to concealing things; I'm called the Chameleon for a reason.

A normal girl would probably have no problem with her unobservant peers; however, Gallagher Girls are trained to watch and scan for abnormalities.

I was an abnormality.

I got asked every day why I wasn't eating lunch or was sleeping in instead of breakfast. I just had a store of excuses prepared.

_I ate a big dinner last night. _

_Oh, no, I couldn't even LOOK at oatmeal right now. It looks too much like barf._

_I just don't like steak and potatoes. _

_I'm testing one of Lizzie's new projects. Can't have any food in my stomach._

I'm sure you get the idea.

I could fend off Tina Walter's constant questions. But Zach Goode was a whole 'nother story.

He automatically assumed the worst. Which, I must admit, was correct in this case, but it was still annoying.

Zach was constantly trying to shove some sort of food down my throat.

The number one thing was milkshakes. He remembered how much I used to love them, so I'd come back to my dorm to a chocolate one in the freezer of Macey's mini-fridge with a disgustingly sweet note from him.

It was honestly really tempting. I had almost cracked a couple times, but I had got strong willpower.

I also felt bad, because I knew how worried he was. I was worried about myself too, but as long as I was up and walking, I was okay.

Too bad things had to go from bad to worse.

I woke up that morning feeling light headed. I got showered and dressed in a blurry haze.

Passing out while walking down the grand staircase WASN'T fun.

* * *

I woke up to beeping. Lots of beeping.

I wanted to scream and throw something at the machine next to me, but I refrained. _Control yourself, Cam._

I felt pressure in my left hand. Zach was sleeping, his head on my thigh, clutching my hand. He kept muttering incoherent things but I could pick out a few words.

_Please. Save. Dying._

I stopped listening after a while. It kinda made me sick.

The nurse came in with a bright smile that screamed _Everything's okay!_ when it obviously wasn't. She took my vitals and then sat down at the end of my bed.

"Cammie, I'd just like to ask you a couple of questions. Are you okay with that?"

I nodded and gently lifted Zach's head off of me so I could sit up. He curled up in his chair, still entrapped in blissful sleep.

"How many calories, on average, do you think you eat a day, sweetie? Doesn't have to be exact." Nurse-lady smiled and batted her eyelashes while I cringed.

I replied with a, "I'm not really sure. Maybe 500?" The nurse's face looked grim.

"You're supposed to have about 2,000, give or take a couple hundred. That's probably why you lost consciousness. Do you exercise often?"

I laughed. "Ew. No."

All I got was a thin smile. "Cameron, I was talking with your mom, and we think you have a severe case of anorexia nervosa. Do you know what that is?"

"I know it's an eating disorder," I said. Of course I knew what it was. I had been living with it for months.

"Good! We think this because you were 87 pounds when you entered the hospital yesterday morning. For your height, you should be around 120. That's almost 35 pounds lighter than you should be. You're sick, Cameron. Actually, you're hanging on to life as you know it by a very thin thread."

* * *

It's been six months since I woke up in that hospital.

A tough journey has occurred during that time. But now I know that everything's going to be okay.

The therapist told me that I'll always have the urge to skip a meal or two, so I just have to be stronger. She gave the voice in the back of my head a name:

Ana.

"That's what most people in your situation call the disorder. It helps to get over it by treating it as if you're handling a bully. Now, your bully has a name."

I never will be the same person I was before "Ana" took over, but I guess I'm better. Stronger, happier, healthier.

My friendships were stronger. Zach was unbelievable in terms of support.

I realized that an eating disorder is not a _disease; _I can't catch the virus and I wasn't able to treat it with medication.

My own mind gave birth to it and helped it grow. Once it was big enough, it took over.

All I needed to do, to save myself from sinking, was love who I was. To see myself through someone else's eyes, and realize how good I had it.

Now I see that it's pretty easy to be happy. And I wouldn't want to be ANYONE but myself.

Because Cameron Morgan is a pretty awesome person.

* * *

**I know it's shitty man. **

**I'M SORRY D: but writing is like ****therapeutic. I seriously love it. Anyway, there really isn't a plot, just ya know, a "therapy piece." I'm a sophomore and I just recently dealt with an eating disorder I'd had since the summer before 7th grade. **

**And through that, I have found the key to being happy and healthy:**

**LOVE WHO YOU ARE AND LOVE WHO YOU'RE GOING TO BECOME.**

**It's really simple. Be proud of yourself and know you're beautiful and perfect the way you are. Don't let people get to you, ****because the only reason they want to get to you is that they're jealous of how great your life is.**

**Anyway, with that nugget of me-trying-to-be-inspiring, I sincerely hope that you all have great lives and try to see yourself in a good light after reading this.**

**I love all of you beautiful people as much as I love Harry Potter (which is seriously like a ton.) **

**~Ally**


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